uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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