never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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