she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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