party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My penis needs a shock collar
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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