Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
