I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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