dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just puked most of my soul out..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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