i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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