i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Are we still banned from the library?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Shame is for Republicans.
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