im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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