i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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