i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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