he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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