You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I enjoy the company of your penis
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
