tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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