Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
