He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
