Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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