Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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