My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize