I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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