I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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