wat bout pragnant strippers??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
