none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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