im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
