Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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