I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
