Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
