He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
