I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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