Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize