well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
