all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
