There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
