i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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