you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's blow job season.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
