it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
