i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You can't special order awesome
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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