pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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