dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
