I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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