I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I cannot find my penis.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
