Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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