being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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