I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize