so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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