in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Boobs speak an international language.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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