he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
