so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
