wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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