so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
