So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
