i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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