I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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