New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
