I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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