where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
