Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
