the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize