I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
