U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am available for nakedness
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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