Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
