Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
