Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
