Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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