That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
