I just saw a hot homeless man
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
